Truth and Denial: Further Reflections on Steve Pavlina's book.

3. October 2008

We see the same thing in all great men and women. They perceive truth; but truth cannot be perceived until it exists; and there can be no truth until it exists; and there can be no truth until there is mind to perceive it. Truth does not exist apart from mind.

Wallace D Wattles ~ The Science of Being Great

Early on in Steve Pavlina’s book he offers a self assessment exercise to assist us in identifying our areas of truth and denial. “Truth” being one of his proposed core principals; in his words “Truth is the first principle of personal development. We primarily grow as human beings by discovering new truths about ourselves and our reality.” I agree. In his book he offers us the exercise given below. I will caution that taking this exercise on its own, out of the context in which it is presented in the book, may be a little misleading. In the book it is framed within a thoughtful and informative exploration of the nature of truth and its application to our lives. However it still stands on its own and gives us plenty to ponder.

Self-Assessment

One of the best ways to bring more truth into your life is to conduct a quick self-assessment. Assign a numerical rating to each area of your life using a simple 1–-10 scale. A 1 means this part of your life is terrible and could hardly get worse; a 10 means this area is absolutely perfect and you can scarcely imagine it getting better.

Please take a minute to do this now.

Here are the areas to rate:

Area of Your Life Your Rating (1–-10)

Habits & daily routine ___________
Career & work ___________
Money & finances ___________
Health & fitness ___________
Mental development & education ___________
Social life & relationships ___________
Home & family ___________
Emotions ___________
Character & integrity ___________
Life purpose & contribution ___________
Spiritual development ___________

Your answers should provide a nice snapshot of how you’‘re doing. Usually you‘’ll find that some areas lag behind the others, sometimes far behind. Interestingly, it’s in our weakest spots that we most often succumb to falsehood and denial, since those are the most difficult areas to face. But those areas can’‘t improve until you face and accept the truth.

Now I want you to look at those same numbers from a different perspective. Take every rating that isn’t’ a 9 or 10, cross it off, and replace it with a 1. So now each of them must be a 1, 9, or 10. You see, if you can’‘t rate a given area of your life a 9 or 10, then obviously you don’t have what you really want in that area. This can be especially hard to admit when you think you have a 7. A 7 looks pretty good at first glance, but the true 9s and 10s are way beyond 7s. The 10s are so far out there that you probably can’‘t even see them from the position of a 7. A 7 is what you get when you allow too much falsehood and denial to creep into your life. It’s a phoney rating to begin with, a 1 in disguise. Either you have what you want, or you don’t. A 6, 7, or 8 is the answer you give when you know you don’t have what you want, but you aren’‘t ready to face up to it yet.

I know this sounds unreasonably harsh, but based on my own experience as well as what I‘’ve observed in others, people commonly rate some part of their lives a 7 (or thereabouts) when they’‘ve disconnected themselves from the truth. A 7 is a job instead of a purpose-driven career. A 7 is a comfortable living arrangement instead of a deeply fulfilling relationship. A 7 is an income that covers your basic expenses instead of providing true abundance. When you rate any part of your life as a 7, you‘’re really saying: “This isn’t’ what I want, but I’m not sure I can do better, so I’‘ll pretend it’s good enough. It could be worse.” However, the truth is that if you aren’‘t experiencing what you want, you’‘re already in the worst possible situation.

I’ve been having some fun exploring his exercise. I gave myself 2 × 7’s, 2 × 8’s with the rest 9’s and no 10’s, I cannot give anything a 10 as, for me, a 10 implies no room for improvement but there is always room for improvement otherwise we simply stagnate. The fun part of life is enjoying growing and exploring, getting more “you”.

I showed this to my wife and she felt that for some people it would feel awful, crushing and hopeless to crash your 7 or 8’s down to 1’s. Imagine someone who has given themselves nothing higher than a 7 in any area? They’re going to read this and conclude that their whole life is way worse than they thought and likely as not feel thoroughly dispirited and miserable.

Someone else I’d shown it to said that yes they did indeed now feel miserable! I’m sure Steve has no intention to inspire people to feelings of misery. For him, it seems, calling a “7” a “1” is a motivator, a new challenge to faced and overcome. For others its a crushing defeat.

My questions are these:

  • What is the truth regarding your discernment of your 1 to 9 scores?
  • How do you really know if you have what you want or not?
  • Are the low scoring areas of your life a problem in themselves or does the problem actually rest with how you are relating to them, are you in denial by blaming your problems?
  • Are you in truth or denial about all the good things already in your life?

What am I on about?

  • Well, if you have a negatively biased, glass half empty, perspective on life then how are you ever going to get near a 9 or 10?

In this instance your sense of unease is always going to be more conscious than your feelings of ease so you will always feel uneasy no matter how “good” your life gets because that is how you habitually, unconsciously, relate to life. So the “truth” is you are denying an alternative “truth”. Your blocking a great deal of goodness from your life because you simply cannot see that its already there. Watch the TV News, its quite evident that life sucks, the evidence is everywhere. Ho hum.

  • Is your job, marriage, social life etc. really so unsatisfactory and meaningless, or are you in denial by avoiding fully applying yourself to any of these areas and thus finding them unfulfilling because you are not offering or giving the fullness of yourself?

If a happy person looks on a depressed person they can see many things not to be depressed about, many paths for improvement and recovery. Their “truth” is that yes they can see some problems but there’s always room for improvement so nothing too much to worry about really. The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide and all that.

Conversely, if you’re highly positive and optimistic, then might you be in denial about all the substandard areas of your life? Should your 9’s actually be 7’s or lower? But then, does that matter? You choose.

  • Could you say? “Hang it all. I’m just going to give every area of my life a 9 and choose to feel and behave as if I’m that satisfied and see what happens.” Might work?
  • How about the opposite? All 1’s. How long can you pretend your life is the pits in every major area? At what point will you rebel and say NO, that is not true, where will that take you?

I suspect that some of our 9’s maybe 7’s and even that some of our 7’s could be 9’s and that none of this is fixed or static. A 1 or a 10 however, would be fully self evident. None of it matters a hoot beyond the idea of maintaining an amount of continuous self awareness and enquiry. A persistent, meaningful, search for greater truth and insight, after all isn’t that what we really want? To know who we really are and thus live ever more fully and authentically from that conscious awareness?

I think a fair guide as to whether you are in truth or denial about any of this can be gauged by your actual willingness to do the exercise? Are you feeling a bit anxious or unsettled by the notion of exploring your scores?

Do it another day perhaps, postpone it to a more convenient time, when your less busy?

Thoughts such as that, my friend, are most likely signs of denial.

Enjoy!

tags: , , ,

Feed Icon Sm Subscribe | View the full journal archive