The Abundance Site: Judgments - How They Hold You Distant

Judgments - How They Hold You Distant

3. March 2005

Have you noticed what happens when you judge something? Let say tomatoes for instance; you tried one once and you felt very ill or came out in rash even. So now you don’t like them, you have nothing to do with them, urgh, you keep them away. Now lets suppose tomatoes are your favorite food, you just love ‘em. So you always have some in the house ready to eat and you know all kinds of delicious ways to cook them. You even like to have them on display in a bowl because of the pleasant feelings they evoke when you look at them.

Have you noticed that this same sorting process takes place in all areas of your life? You are in a closer relationship with things you like and a more distant relationship from the people or things you do not like. It goes further than that though as it applies also to how you relate to the disparate parts of yourself.

Back to the tomatoes. How would it be if you sought to find out what it was about tomatoes that affected you? You still recognized that they were not a good thing for you to eat but you were curious non the less and did some research and found that there was a certain enzyme that reacted in some way with your digestive system. I suggest that in that very process of becoming curious a great deal of the “negative charge” around tomatoes would dissipate because you then moved into a closer relationship with them and now understand why they disagree with you.

This is the attitude we need to develop in our lives if we are to live more fully and abundantly. We need a curious observer rather than judgmental observer in our minds eye. This idea can be demonstrated very easily in our romantic relationships. Lets suppose you have a new partner that promises to be everything you had ever dreamed a partner could be. You are head over heals in love; it feels great and joyful. However the months pass and you notice some behaviour from your new love that you consider inconsiderate and do not like very much. Now the doubts start to set in, maybe you are wrong again, maybe cupid has sold you short. A small aspect of your love seems to have died because of this inconsiderate behaviour. You become more distant from your love.

Now I am not suggesting that you should accept inconsiderate behaviour without challenge or question. What I am suggesting is that if you approached this errant behaviour of your partner with curiosity rather than judgment that you might then find yourselves becoming closer again. You could say to your partner “Do you realize that I feel sad, unseen and undervalued when you, blah blah blah, and I want to tell you so that we can better understand what is happening.” They probably do not realize you feel this way at all.

With that simple act of questioning in a non threatening manner you begin to draw them closer to you again. If all goes well they will recognize their part in your discomfort and possibly share some of their unstated discomfort with you also. This will bring you both closer to one another again. If they react highly defensively instead then you will at least be comforted by the knowledge that you stayed true to yourself and spoke your truth. What more can you do? Their reaction is just that, theirs, it is about them not you. How can you ever get closer to anything or anyone by pushing them away? Surely the potential rewards are worth the risk of a negative reaction?

Where else in your life are negative judgments holding you separate from the fulfillment of your desires? If you want greater financial abundance but also believe that desiring money is wrong then you will seriously struggle to improve your financial health. If you look deeper into the basis of your judgments around money you can then begin to get closer to the financial well being you may seek. Surely money is not the problem so much as how we use it? You could use money most wisely and differently perhaps?

I suggest that you continually question your judgments and watch how you push and pull with them in the workings of your life. Also look at how you push and pull within yourself with your self-judgments, the so-called war within. How might you bring peace to that?

Have fun with your judgments, look at the inconsistencies and contradictions, laugh, enjoy, play, be curious.