The Lament

5. January 2005

They don’t understand, you see
If they’d just listen
Then they would realise
It is them not me
I mean no malice, heartlessness or pain

I intend no hurt, no slights of hand
Why can’t they see
It is them not me
Why won’t they see
I don’t understand
I feel isolated
Yet I know what must be done
Yes I know, I really do know
But they will not listen
They won’t understand

I’ll find a way to make it happen
One day, yes, one day
Until then I soldier on
With you or without you
Dealing clearly as required
Doing what must be done
Long has it been this way

Where was mum when I needed her
She did not understand
Dad was little help
He was never there
So I soldier on, ever on
I can rely on me you see
I won’t let me down
And I won’t let you down
Like you did to me

How could you
Oh, how could you not see
I needed you then
I don’t need you now
I know what to do, I really do
I am right you see
Otherwise
I cease to be…

Healing The Lament

Finally the pain becomes clearer to me
The tightness in my back
The emptiness in my chest
I feel alone
Yes, so deeply alone

I cannot carry on this way
Yes, I know I cannot carry on this way
And in this brief flash of vulnerability
I feel my loss…
Insights fill my being
Maybe I’ve lost more than you?
Perhaps I’ve lost myself by avoiding my pain?

My control creates my separation
My control holds me in isolation
My righteousness fits like armour
Holding the tenderness of the world at bay
Weeping now, I feel my heart
Ever yearning to convey
That an absence of feeling
Does not equal an absence of pain

And with that recognition
A new world springs into being
A world of compassion
Where weakness can be strength
And love is more than an dream
Perhaps I am not alone after all…

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