So Its All Gone Pear Shaped?

10. February 2005

Does life seem to be closing in on you? Are your finances a mess? You don’t know where to turn next?

Step One

DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!

Not the advice you wanted? Well here is a solution that works for me.

Accept that what is simply is.

You are where you are and even though things may appear to be really hopeless – they actually are not. You are simply feeling hopeless and stuck; it does not mean that you are stuck or that anything is hopeless because that is not possible. It is only a feeling. Life, the Universe and everything is in motion; no stuck-ness. Change is certain. Aha.

Step Two

Shift to a better feeling state.

Now for want of a better expression it could be said that you are experiencing a state of “projected experience”. Your actual experience of the present moment is impacted either by pains from your past or concerns for you future (both conscious and unconscious) or most likely a mixture of both. However if you are able to sit here reading this then it is fairly safe to assume that you are not on the brink of total oblivion. What you need to choose to do now is step into this moment more deeply. Of course, this can be far easier said than done but it does not have to be, it is still a choice. Feeling bad isn’t helping the situation no matter how bad your situation may be. You need to find a way to begin thinking and feeling some happy thoughts about anything that comes to mind. That simple act will work minor miracles. As you do this take a few good breaths; stretch, yawn, wriggle your toes, repeat…

  • I am safe. I am safe. I am safe…

You are safe in this moment, even if you have lost your job, are facing bankruptcy or have been dumped by the love of your life. You do have the freedom to choose how you react to the events around you. You can re-program the autopilot in you that panics or overreacts when things go against your wishes but more on that later.

Again picture a happy time from your past; see if you can take yourself back to a time when things felt good, really good. Form the scene in your minds eye, in full Technicolor, hear it, taste it and most of all feel it. How did it feel to be happy and joyful? Can you allow feelings of thanks, appreciation and gratitude for just this one experience to fill your senses? Feel the warmth and joy of that moment and let it now fill this moment. There is always hope, the lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.

You never have to feel crushed by painful or threatening circumstances; you really can choose to respond differently. It is by committing to the process of learning to do this that you will immediately draw new meaning and purpose into every area of your life. You can ever more consciously choose how to think, feel and respond to your outer world and this skill will further allow you to choose to be happy even in the face of adverse circumstances. A happy outlook really is your greatest ally during difficult times.

Step Three

Recognise and accept the need for change.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” – Benjamin Franklin

If you are not happy with any aspects of your life then you are going to have to do things differently because your thoughts, feelings and actions thus far have created your life as it is now. This change can be the hard part, it is much like giving up smoking, but the question now is how bad do circumstances have to get before you are ready to change? If you are reading this then you are most likely ready for some new choices.

I have spent my life observing and recognising myself and others repeat the same old habits that lead to life problems and even illness. We habitually and mostly unconsciously repeat the same old story and end up feeling thwarted, misunderstood, or much worse when things continue to turn out contrary to our desires. If aspects of your life are going wrong then that is a sure sign that there is something to learn and as there is always something to be learnt we often have things going wrong, ho hum. However it is my experience that actively seeking understanding of the so called lessons in our life experiences really does lead to more things going right and fewer things going wrong. You become further empowered in your decision making and make more affirmative choices from a stronger sense of your true personal needs and power. Do you really want greater abundance and happiness? Are you ready to change?

Step Four

Making Changes – Thinking from your goals.

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” R. Buckminster Fuller, inventor, architect, engineer…

In order to make different choices you need some serious impetus, well, just enough to amp up your will power a little. If you try pushing against the side of yourself that is resisting and telling you, ‘hey, you don’t need to do that now, it won’t work anyway’ etc. you may well get nowhere. You have to think beyond your resistance or think from your goals. This means visualising the results you are seeking and holding the positive feelings or vibrations arising from that vision in the present moment. It is a way of daydreaming about your ideal scenario and then actually putting that dream into action.

I have shifted many unhealthy patterns including smoking; my key has always been focusing on the desired result and feeling what that will be like. In the case of smoking I visualised, feeling really fit, breathing clearly without coughing in the mornings, having fresh smelling clothes and hands etc. Repeatedly doing this gave me great feelings of optimism and wellbeing that empowered me enough to make the choice in each moment to refuse a cigarette when the temptation arose. Then every cigarette refused was not only a further boost to my self esteem (as I was staying true to my goals) but also a step nearer to my being a healthy long-term non-smoker. Of course I’d been through many failed attempts at giving up earlier because I was not motivated from within but rather from the nagging thought that I ought to give up. The angry rebel in me was quite happy to keep on self-destructing. I had not really wanted to give up. Wanting to give up came from focusing on how my life would be as a non-smoker and from not wanting the negative aspects of smoking in my life anymore. Remember though, it is the wanting side that empowers, not wanting tends to make you feel helpless or hopeless. You have to desire and embrace change.

Step Five

Re-program the ‘autopilot’.

In other words change your conscious and unconscious beliefs to more life affirming ones. We inherit certain beliefs through our family histories, national cultures and occupations etc. In order to make the changes you desire and create a happier life experience you need to adopt new beliefs. Clearing old beliefs will help also but that is a whole other article in itself and may require the assistance of a therapist. It is these old largely unconscious or ‘autopilot’ beliefs that have a great impact on your life, however you can reprogram or overlay these with new affirmative ones any time you like by utilizing amazingly simple techniques such as this.

On a sheet of paper:

  1. Define what you want. – e.g. To live debt free.
  2. Define why you want it. – e.g. Being free of debt will give me the freedom to live on my terms.
  3. Define a belief that supports your desire. – e.g. I am supported in my every endeavour and worthy of financial freedom.

You need to define wants and beliefs that excite you, that trigger a sense of hope and optimism, for it is the vibration of this feeling that will trigger the changes you seek. The Universe always says Yes however you have to say Yes to the Universe also by aligning affirmative beliefs to for it to respond to. Define one or two key beliefs that you want to work with at first and write them down. Now repeat them allowed several times a day for a month. Better still record yourself saying them and play that back to yourself daily. If you skip a day ask yourself gently why, what is holding you back? Repeat this every month with new beliefs.

I have been blessed from a young age by the belief that ‘Things always turn out for the best’. I’d be lost without that one. If you hold a belief that ‘life sucks’ then life surely will in response. As I continue to work on my beliefs I find new areas of resistance and new sources of joy. It really feels truly liberating to be consciously creating my life and seeing the results manifest.

I urge you to try it for yourself.

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